Getting worse before it gets better

On Sunday I did a post about my dog and the need for all of us to keep talking to our doctors, communicating with them so they get it right.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

When doctors get it wrong, keep looking and talking

My dog has a serious disease and I promised to update on his condition. Brandon is his Vet's office and is staying there until he can walk again. He had to go there on Monday because he couldn't walk. His dizziness caused his head to move a lot while we were trying everything to carry him outside to relieve himself and we ended up dropping him. Plus at almost 90 pounds (huge Golden) he did a number on my already bad back. Monday he was in really bad shape. The Vet gave him medication to calm him down and get him more comfortable. Tuesday we went to visit him and he was still in bad shape.

Idiopathic vestibular disease gets worse before it gets better. The Vet told us that it usually lasts about two weeks.

Aside from missing him like crazy, it's really breaking my heart to know he is away from us and suffering right now. Well, today we went to visit him and he was a lot more alert. He was licking us the way he normally does, had a spark back in his eyes and they were not moving out of control the way they had been. He kept trying to give my husband his paw to high five while he was laying on the floor. I tried a few times to get him to stand up, but he couldn't. Now we're worried that we won't be able to bring him home tomorrow the way we thought we'd be able to. I know he's in the best place possible for him because the staff and the Vet adore him and will be able to take care of him better than we can, but he's my baby after all.

Sometimes illnesses have to get worse before they get better. It's very hard when this happens. Somehow we all manage to convince ourselves that once an illness is treated people turn the corner right away. That is not always the case. As with Brandon, he got worse even after treatment began because it is the nature of what he has. It's really the same thing with PTSD and it really frightens people. We all just expect treatment to take care of the symptoms and everything will be fine right away. We don't expect what comes.

As PTSD begins to gain control, emotions are frozen, trapped behind a wall to protect the person from feeling any more pain. The walls get thicker as time goes on. They become detached emotionally from everyone they once loved. When they begin to heal, there is a crack in their barrier wall. First emotions are trickling out and then comes the flood as the walls begin to come down once the soul knows it no longer has to defend itself. It seems like PTSD is getting worse at the same time the reality is it's getting better.

They cry a lot. They wonder why they can't seem to stop crying. In this case, crying is good. They are healing. Bruises look worse when they are getting better. They change color and spread out covering a larger area. Cuts end up looking really bad when infections are coming out and most of the time flesh gets itchy. Appearances of getting worse, when there is a lot of healing going on. It is the way the human body was created to work things out. The key is getting the right kind of help to make it all work the way it's supposed to.

There was a time when many of the illnesses we see today were not treated simply because they just didn't know how to. People died from what we can cure today. The body hasn't changed but treatment has simply because we know more about how it all fits and works. We got here because people were not willing to just settle for the way things were. They set out to change the outcome.

That's what healing is all about. Without help to heal PTSD, it gets worse. People died because they did not get the help they needed, ended up finding their hearts couldn't take the depression, lack of sleep, stress and endless flashbacks as real as the moments of trauma happening repeatedly. They drank themselves to death causing their livers to fail or causing fatal car accidents. They did drugs and died of overdoses or failures of their bodies to deal with the drugs. They also committed suicide. People found ways to understand and treat PTSD because they were not willing to simply settle for the same outcome. They ended up saving lives. Still there are many hard at work because the outcomes for far too many is not where it should be. Unacceptable outcomes have left too many suffering when they could be getting help.

The key is knowledge and knowing the person suffering when it's someone you love or knowing yourself when you know you are no longer the same. Communicate with the doctors so they find the right diagnosis and if your medication is not working, let them know. Don't feel as if you've had a set back if you find yourself with uncontrollable tears. There are years worth of pain that need to come out and be honored. Those walls didn't go up in a day and won't be fully pulled down that fast either.

Remember that sometimes healing is painful but the other side of the pain is waiting for you. It's a great place to be. My husband went from being a man dying a slow death to one alive again and feeling the beauty of a sunset and the excitement of seeing a shuttle launch cutting across the sky. Treatment and medication works to restore a lot of what you've been missing.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but moments that take our breath away" I don't know who wrote this quote but I have it hanging in my house to remind me that it is not how long we're here, it's what we do when we're here that really matters. Why spend your days building the walls to protect your soul from pain when it ends up trapping out the joys as well? That is a life in existence and not one being lived.

Our dog Brandon, for non-dog owners, it's hard to understand that they are a part of the family. I call him my baby and he's 13. I know he doesn't have too much time left with us but the quality of his days matters more than the number of them. Once this illness has passed, he will be on the right medication for his spine and compressed discs and should be back to his old self. As long as I know he is enjoying his life, that's all that matters. Can any of us really ask for anything more than that? Enjoying our lives and living with the moments of pain so that we can feel joy as well?