Wives stand tall behind war veterans

My husband says the same thing Ray Kuschert says. He credits his wife and most Vietnam veterans do the same. Most of us think that it's just what you're supposed to do when you love someone. You fight for them.

We can talk a lot about fighting for your husband when it's against another woman. That's always easy to understand but when it's fighting against a ghost, unless you've been there, it's virtually impossible to understand. We have to get them back into this year when they are being dragged back to events in their lives occurring in their past. We have to remind them of what they've forgotten because of short term memory loss and not blow our stack when we have to remind them for the tenth time at the same time they can remember something in detail that happened in Vietnam over thirty years ago. When they can remember the faces and names of everyone they served with but they have trouble remembering the name of the neighbor next door.

The ghost of Vietnam follows them daily and we fight against her as if she is trying to take our husbands away from us. No easy task at all. It's not as if we can spruce up our appearance and everything will be fine, because most of the time, they don't notice any changes at all. Passion? Well that went away a long time ago so it's never an issue over sex or the lack of it. All we can do is stand by them, be their friend and help them to heal. It it the battles of their past they still fight and because of these battles, we have to fight for them. When I wrote my book For the Love of Jack, the sub title was His War/My Battle. That's exactly what Vietnam was. Almost 25 years after we got married, I'm still fighting this "other woman" in his life. This ghost will not let him go but I have the knowledge to make sure she never wins.

It is my greatest fear the spouses of the Iraq and Afghanistan veterans will remain oblivious when they could be learning what it will take to save their husbands and wives, their marriages and the futures of their own children. All they need to know is out there but too many keep saying they have enough to worry about when their husband or wife is deployed. The problem is they don't want to face it when they come home either. They think whatever wound they come back with inside of them will be something they just get over, but most will end up worse because of the reluctance of their spouse to care enough to learn.

Wives stand tall behind war veterans
RAY KUSCHERT has been to hell and back in Vietnam, but thanks his wife for where he is today.
Mr Kuschert, who now lives in Mittagong, was 17 when he joined the Australian Army and 19 when he spent 12 months in Vietnam.
He served with the 1st Battalion of the Royal Australian Regiment which was attached to the 173rd Airborne Brigade American Unit.
He said he joined because in those days it was a job and an opportunity to earn good money.
“Vietnam happened later so that wasn’t even applicable when I joined,’’ he said.
“The experience was hair-raising.
“I was a forward scout with the infantry section so I saw a lot of action.’’
Mr Kuschert said he came home from Vietnam in 1965 with some good memories and quite a few bad ones.
“I came back and faded into dust,’’ he said.
“I never wore my medals and never participated in anything to do with returned serviceman.
“It wasn’t until my oldest son was 21 that he found out I went to Vietnam.’’
Mr Kuschert said it was how people perceived the war that stopped him wearing his medals.
“There were all the protests and even the RSL wouldn’t accept Vietnam veterans as war veterans,’’ he said.
“It was hard to walk up to the counter at the RSL Club and be told you weren’t wanted.’’
Mr Kuschert now helps other veterans as a welfare officer for the Vietnam Veteran’s Association of Australia Macarthur Sub Branch.
For the full story see the Southern Highland News, Wednesday, April 15