When a veteran suffers, the family suffers

by
Chaplain Kathie

Reading the headline of the following story, along with stories like this from across the country, the first thought is in the direction of another parent having no self control and terrorizing a child with abuse. If we walk away with that and only that thought, we're missing the point and letting down children across the country, but it doesn't end there. It goes into the next generation as well.

Domestic violence and verbal abuse go hand in hand with PTSD but most of these incidences can be avoided if the knowledge is there first. While every domestic issue cannot be prevented, many can. I do not know the whole story of Evonne Schneider but I know the stories of too many of our veterans.

A wife snaps from being woken up too many nights by her husband having nightmares. She yells and shakes him. He punches her. She has been given no way of knowing that in that nightmare, her husband in not in that bed with her, but somewhere back in combat and that punch was for the enemy he was fighting. If she knew what she needed to know, she would have removed herself from the bed without anger and gently said his name to wake him up calmly. It would have avoided the animosity in their relationship, avoided the assault and the call to 911 to have him arrested. It would have avoided the kids being woken up yet again by their parents yelling at each other.

A husband infuriated with his wife not listening to a word he says while she's having a flashback reaches for her shoulders to get her to pay attention to him. She reacts with a move Jackie Chan would be proud of and knocks her husband out. He decides that he's had enough and files for divorce. What he did not know is that in that moment when she was zoned out, not listening, she was not in that room but thousands of miles away being sexually assaulted by a soldier in Vietnam after the base had been under attack and treating other wounded soldiers. If he knew what she brought back home with her along with commendation awards, this never would have happened.

A child cries because she fells her father does not love her, that everything she does is wrong and nothing will please her Dad. She knows he's been drinking again but Mom walked out on them and isn't there to do anything about any of it. Had the daughter and Mom known what was behind the way he was acting, they would have never blamed themselves for causing any of what they were being blamed for and the veteran would know it isn't his fault either. He came home wounded.

In the following story a 10 year old was a child abused by her Mom being treated by the VA for mental health. Is it PTSD she's being treated for? More likely than not. What's this child's life and future worth? Is it worth simply taking her to a foster home, away from her Mom and leaving her to think that it was her fault all the rest of her life? Or is her life worth taking care of her Mom so they can live together healing? When it comes to PTSD, healing the veteran is healing generations but we have not even really started to do either.

NH mother arrested in daughter's beating
The Union Leader - Manchester,NH,USA

By DALE VINCENT
New Hampshire Union Leader Staff
Monday, Mar. 2, 2009

In court, Schneider said: “I’m already being punished.” She said she is receiving mental health care from the Veterans Administration.

MANCHESTER – Police said Evonne Schneider slapped and punched her 10-year-old daughter, kicked the girl as she lay on the floor and then pushed her outside without a coat or shoes after accusing the girl of taking a bracelet that was a sibling’s birthday present.

Court documents show the child told police her mother then pulled her back inside the residence at 1143 Mammoth Road and told her to go upstairs and wash her face. The child had bruising around both eyes and a bloody lip, according to Detective Sgt. John Patti.

According to police, Schneider, 35, said: “There has always been a problem with (the girl) her whole life. ... I’m at my boiling point with her and I’m ready to snap.”