When Angels Come Too Late

50 killed in plane crash near Buffalo
A Continental Airlines plane crashed into a house near Buffalo, New York, late Thursday, killing all 49 people on the plane and a person in the home, authorities said. Four people were injured at the crash site, including a mother and daughter inside the house that was hit. developing story

50 people died with this plane crash. Passengers and crew died. A husband died in his home. A wife and daughter escaped.

Fires ripped through Australia and over 170 people died.

Tornadoes, hurricanes, mudslides, traffic accidents, crimes, illness and suicides. Whenever tragedies strike we're left asking why. Why didn't God stop it? Why did it happen? Why me?

The worst thing well meaning people can do is try to answer these questions. No matter what you try to say, it will come out wrong. If you tell the wife and daughter that survived the plane crash they were saved by God or angels were watching over them, they will end up asking why the father was not saved or why the plane picked on their house. If you tell a neighbor they were being watched over and that's why the plane didn't hit their house, they will wonder why it hit their neighbor's house. If you tell the families of the people on the plane that it was God's will, their time to die, or anything else, they will not be comforted. Don't try to explain what you do not know. None of us know why one person dies but another is saved. All we know is what comes after.

After tragedies, people change. Some for better but some for worse. All we can do is be there to listen to them and stay by their side to support them. Ask them what they need that they cannot do for themselves. Find out if they need help making phone calls, preparing meals, doing laundry, walking the dog, simple things that end up helping them. If they want to talk, listen. If they want to cry, hold their hand. If they want to vent anger, let them blow it off without trying to calm them down unless they are getting out of control. Understand how much pain they are in and that people do not all react the same way. One member of the household may be in shock, another one may just take control, one angry, one weeping or one may seem out of touch with all of it. The way they are reacting is "normal" for them. Let them lead the way on how you react to them. Don't try to fix them or try to get them to respond "appropriately" according to what you think.

None of us really know why angels arrive too late by our judgment but we are comforted by the thought they do in fact arrive to take the soul back to heaven. The saying that "God only gives us what we can handle" is not something that offers any comfort because it tells them that it was done by God's will and He did it to them. If you have to say anything at all, tell them that God will give them what they need to get through it. God sent you to help them, surrounded them with people that care and then pray with them that they receive all the comfort they need to overcome a pain only they know. While you may know your own pain from a similar tragedy, you are not them. You do not know the exact level of their pain, if they are dealing with any guilt on top of the loss. Often the last thing said was said in anger to the person they lost, or maybe the relationship was strained. Do not compare what you went through to them. It's not a contest. You can share the fact that you lost someone too, but do not compare your loss with their's.

Just being there offers them comfort but let them lead the way on what you can do to help. It's one of the hardest things to do but it's what they need you to do. In this way, you are the earthly angel God sent to help them in their time of need.