Tragedies don't stop for the holidays

I haven't been posting very much over the last few days. It's not that trauma stops over the holiday's or that I've been too busy outside of the house. It's more that I've entered into yet another burned out stage. I can't come close to remembering how many times this has happened over the years. Covering trauma, suicide, murders, tragedies along with PTSD, is very stressful. This is not including the emails flying back and forth while I try to get people to understand what PTSD is. Not to worry because every time I get burnt out, God has an endless supply of matches. I'll be back up to speed in a few days.

Yesterday I received a phone call telling me my ex-husband passed away on Christmas Eve. We were married less than two years when I was too young and stupid to know any better. He was a part of my life I wanted to forget. It ended very badly. The strange thing is, when I became engaged to Jack, my ex-husband walked over to him, shook his hand and told Jack, "Congratulations. (sarcastically) You're marring my wife." We knew he must have still been following me. But my ex-husband was fully of surprises. I had to get the marriage annulled so that Jack and I could get married in the Greek Church. My ex-husband signed the papers without any trouble at all and apologized for all that went wrong. I totally forgave him but it was still a part of my life that hurts whenever I think about him.

Today I'm wondering how I'm supposed to feel about his passing. It's hard to get it through my head there is no right or wrong in this. I'll admit I did feel a little guilty when I heard the words. It was as if a weight had come off my shoulders. I know the next time I travel back home, I won't have to be looking over my shoulders wondering if he'll pop up. He hadn't done it in years but there was a nagging feeling from the first few years when we ended and he was always somehow right behind me.

It's hard to think he ended up alone. According to the obituary, he did not leave behind a wife or children. I always thought he would have remarried. Now I wonder if he ever forgave himself.

Whenever you meet someone, there is there past you are meeting as well. We all come with a history or our lives. We do things that hurt other people. Our actions today go into their tomorrows just as their actions go into our's. No matter how hard we try to forget, move on, the time we share with someone else is always with us for better or worse. We all keep secrets. There were several reports over the last few days showing that things in our lives do not take a break over the holidays.


A famous man committed suicide but no one knows why John Costelloe committed suicide.

"He didn't seem like the kind of guy who would reach out," Neu said. "There couldn't have been a more supportive and friendly group. If he wanted to reach out to people, we were right in front of him. I wish he did."

TRAGEDY STRIKES 'SOPRANO' HUNK
TV'S 'JOHNNY CAKES' KILLS SELF

By JAMIE SCHRAM, PERRY CHIARAMONTE and DAVID K. L I
The Brooklyn actor who played Johnny Cakes - the gay-fireman lover of a mob capo on "The Sopranos" - killed himself in a holiday tragedy that has stunned family and friends.

The front door to John Costelloe's Sunset Park home was still sealed with police stickers yesterday, more than a week after the rugged 47-year-old actor committed suicide.

Costelloe, a former FDNY firefighter, shot himself in the head in his basement bedroom on Dec. 16, cops and pals said.

"It's beyond me. This is too much for me to handle right now," the actor's dad, Michael Costelloe, 77, said yesterday.

Firefighter and former colleague Matt Dwyer couldn't believe his friend was gone. click the link above for more

A woman killed her 8 year old son and then tried to kill herself.

Police: Florida Woman Murdered 8-Year-Old Son on Christmas
Friday, December 26, 2008


PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — Police have charged a 31-year-old Florida woman with murder after she allegedly smothered her 8-year-old son to death on Christmas.

Police said Eryn Allegra, of Port St. Lucie, gave the boy eight Advil pills to put him to sleep, then early Thursday morning suffocated him with a pillow in a hotel room. Allegra then allegedly tried to slit her wrists, but the blade she used was too dull. Police said she dialed 911 and was taken to a local hospital.

Allegra told investigators she had been having financial problems since August 2007.

It was unclear if Allegra had an attorney.

Bruce Jeffrey Pardo, dressed up like Santa, had cash to start a new life but decided that he would end the lives of people in his life first. He walked away from another child and his mother to start a new life with the woman he would end up killing along with her family.

Santa shooter carried secret guilt, attorney says
Story Highlights
Bruce Pardo's son from previous relationship was brain damaged, attorney says
Secret of boy's existence was factor in divorce, newspaper reports
Police are looking for car Pardo might have rented
Authorities release information on those unaccounted for after fire
From Stan Wilson
CNN

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- The man who police say dressed as Santa Claus and killed nine people at a Christmas Eve party lived with guilt from an incident that left his son from a previous relationship a paraplegic, according to an attorney who once represented the woman in that relationship.

Prime suspect Bruce Jeffrey Pardo, who police said committed suicide hours after he went on a shooting rampage and started a raging house fire in the Los Angeles suburb of Covina, had a son who sustained severe brain damage several years ago in an apparent swimming pool accident while he was in Pardo's care, according to attorney Jeffrey Alvirez.

Police have said Pardo targeted his rampage at his former wife, Sylvia Ortega Pardo, and her family at the family's Christmas Eve party.

The Los Angeles Times reported that Pardo had kept his son's existence and condition a secret from his wife. When she found out, her anger over the situation and also finding out that Pardo had claimed the child as a tax dependent for several years became a major factor in divorce proceedings, the paper said, quoting an unidentified source close to the investigation.

Can we stop any of these stories from happening? Could anyone have stopped Pardo? Or Allegra? Or Costelloe? Where were the people who may have helped Allegra and her son with financial problems? Maybe they cared the way Costelloe's friends did but they couldn't do anything to help. What we can do is to do whatever is in our own power to help people in need. We can just do the best we can. At least that way when these things happen, we can always know we did the best we could to prevent it. No matter what we do, we also have to understand there will always be that question of what could we have done differently? All too often that question can only be answered by the other people.

My ex wanted what he wanted and didn't want to save our marriage unless it was under his terms. Then he couldn't let it go easily. Too many times we see only what we want and what we don't have instead of what we ourselves could have done differently.