24 years ago today I married my best friend. Back then I knew he had PTSD but I was not prepared for his condition to get worse. I honestly can't say what I would have done if I had known what we end up going through ahead of time. None of us really know what tomorrow will bring. It is what we do know that our futures are built upon. I knew I loved him and I knew his character. What fortified me was my faith and the knowledge of what my husband was going through. Even with that knowledge, without faith, without being able to reach out to God for the strength to get thru the heart wrenching times, we would not be celebrating this anniversary today. This is what I believe a marriage should be built upon.
1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
If we love our veteran and know what wound they carry, it becomes easier to find the compassion to stay with them and help them. If we know nothing then we assume that they have no love for us left within them and it's easy to leave. If we know them, know their soul, we understand they are not doing any of what they do in order to hurt us. We can see them as wounded and ill. The rational understanding that if they had any other illness, we would never think of leaving penetrates our conscience and we are more able to stay, put up with people telling us to get a divorce and find the strength to fight for our veteran's sake.
This, from St. Francis, is one more belief I held dear to help me when my selfishness began to take control over what I knew was the right thing to do.
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
Along the way coming into contact with others living with PTSD helped me, supported me and strengthened me. They came to me for help but together we ended up helping each other. I have never met such courageous people before in my life. They are filled with compassion for others and this part of their soul is what caused them to be wounded so deeply by what they had to endure. While they have broken my heart by the pain they carry, they have also filled me with appreciation of the human soul that lives on within them and the magnificence of their strength.
I look at my husband today, after 26 years of loving him on this day of our 24th wedding anniversary and I feel so blessed that God gave me all I needed to stay.
One of the Chaplains in my group sends out a daily devotion reminder. Today, this is the one he picked.
From Papa Roy
God Never Gives Up on Us
Our God is a God that will never give up on us. This fact is always a source of hope. There indeed may be times in which it seems like God has given up on people, turning a deaf ear to them when they are in need or sick, but we must be careful asking "why" when such events happen, for it is not the Lord abandoning His children.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
God did not abandon me nor did He abandon my husband. There are times in our lives when we feel that way. We find dark times and wonder if God is punishing us by ignoring our cries for help. We find times when we feel as if we should give up praying, give up reaching out for His hand and forgetting all the other times in our lives when He was there to help us. I'm probably more guilty of this than anyone else. So many times it was so easy to forget what God had done in my life before. It was as if I had the attitude "ya but what have You done for me lately" when another crisis came and I had fear. I wanted immediate help the way I wanted to be helped, not the way God saw fit to offer it.
What good is strength when the weight of the world is crashing down on us and everything we thought our lives would be vanishes? What good is reading words of someone written thousands of years going to do for us today when hateful words penetrate today? What good does it do us to know that "if we wait upon the Lord" our reward will be great for trusting Him, taking a leap of faith over Satan's foot if we fall flat on our face? It all helps when we understand that hold that world of pain above our heads is success when we get up the next day with enough hope to put our feet firmly on the floor and begin a new day. It helps when we understand that the moments keep passing and we are still here. It helps to know that when we do fall flat our face, we get back up again. Sure we have skinned knees and a few scars, but we are still standing. Then the day comes when our prayers begin to bear fruit, our souls are warmed by the Glory of God and we overcome the crisis of our days.
It would be wonderful if God handed us what we wanted, when we wanted it but if this happened, then our faith would just be common without being strengthened. Just as my marriage would have just been common and not strengthened by all we lived through together. The bond was there from the beginning. The love was there and today I can honestly say that I love him even more than I did the day we married.
If you want to read more of our life together, I have a free book on this blog you can open in Adobe on the side bar. For the Love of Jack is about 18 years of our life together. If you still wonder if anyone else knows what you're going through, this is it. There isn't much I have not lived through and it's all in the book. Once you read it, then remind yourself of this post and know that nothing is impossible with God if love is the basis of your desires. If we could stay together, still loving each other, anyone can. If my husband can come through the darkest days of his life and live a life again after all the years without help, anyone can. For the younger veterans and their families, you can do it too if love is there.
Senior Chaplain Kathie Costos
Namguardianangel@aol.com
http://www.namguardianangel.org/
http://www.woundedtimes.blogspot.com/
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington
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