Forgiving a killer

It's important you read this story if you lost someone from a violent crime or even if you have someone in your family responsible for one. There is a world of hurt out there and this is for your sake. Not for the person who did it. When we carry around the hatred, wanting revenge, it does not damage the guilty but it damages us.

Forgiving a killer
By Adrian Walker
Globe Columnist / February 12, 2008
Ani Nalbandian was in an airport in San Francisco last week, preparing for the saddest plane ride of her life, when she decided she needed to talk to someone.
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She spotted a friendly-looking flight attendant and began to calmly explain that her mother had just been killed near Boston.
She knew she had picked the right stranger to pour out her heart to when the woman pulled out a Bible.
"Her faith was such a huge part of my mother's life," Nalbandian said Sunday. "Right then I felt, 'Mom's here with me.' "
Nalbandian's mother was Diruhi Mattian, a clinical social worker slain in North Andover last week while paying a house call on a patient.
Thomas Belanger, 19, has been charged with her slaying and is currently undergoing psychological evaluation.
Ani, 26, and her sister Arminé, 22, were the picture of poise as they talked about their mother's life, work, and spirit of forgiveness.
Mattian became a social worker in midlife. She and her family emigrated from Armenia to America in 1989.
One of her first jobs here was at McLean Hospital in Belmont, where a mentor encouraged her to pursue a degree in social work at Simmons College. She worked 70 to 80 hours a week, taking only Sundays off. House calls were common, and her devotion to her patients was well known.
Mattian's daughters describe a dynamo who always made time for everyone but herself.
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http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2008/02/12/forgiving_a_killer/

Working with PTSD, there are thousands of stories out there. Some, very hopeful and I try to put them up every chance I get. Some will tug at your heart while others will make you angry. Believe me, I'm angry more than I am hopeful. Within the posts I do on this site and Screaming In An Empty Room, there are terrible stories about innocent people being killed by veterans. Some of the veterans are connected to the crime by the way of PTSD. Some are connected because some people are just evil and service had nothing to do with any of it.

When it's a veteran with PTSD, they have flashbacks, mood swings and sometimes, they do not see a friend or a loved one standing in front of them at that moment. They see the enemy they fought in other nations. This does not make them innocent of the crime, but it does require justice be given accordingly. When the criminal is just evil then their service should play no role in the sentencing. This is not the issue that needs to be addressed at this moment. It is what happens to the families and friends left behind whenever a life is taken or an innocent person suffers.

Those who are left dealing with their grief and sorrow have a choice to make. They can hang onto the anger and let it eat away at them, or they can forgive the person and allow grace to come over them. When this happens there are no bitter tears to cry because there are too many wonderful memories of the person they loved filling them.

It is not just veterans who develop PTSD but all humans do. Some will develop PTSD from witnessing a crime or the aftermath of one. Crime is one on the causes of PTSD. Hanging onto hatred and wanting revenge will only feed into it. We all need to heal but we can't sometimes until we are willing to forgive. If you say it's impossible, think of Christ on the cross in one of the last things he said. He said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." If he could forgive from the cross, can we say it's impossible?