Milo Von Strom update on a man of courage

In November of 2006 I post the following story about Milo Von Strom. A couple of days ago, he came across the posting and emailed me. I asked him how it's been going and he wrote back with a great update of what has happened since then. This is the post that was on my other blog, now titled Screaming In An Empty Room.

Screaming In An Empty Room: Veterans’ mental health needs ig...
VIRGINIA — Milo Von Strom remembers the day the chopper flew over, spraying to kill the leaves on the trees, and how the spray stuck to his skin.

'They have really been helping me'
Linda Tyssen Mesabi
Daily News
Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006 07:59:13 PM
VIRGINIA — Milo Von Strom remembers the day the chopper flew over, spraying to kill the leaves on the trees, and how the spray stuck to his skin.
Don’t worry, the soldiers were told. The defoliant called Agent Orange would make it easier to spot the enemy in the jungle — and was no danger to humans. So they were told.
Von Strom knows better. In the 37 years since Vietnam, the Virginia clay artist has battled post-traumatic stress disorder and a skin disease connected to Agent Orange.
The Department of Veterans Affairs is finally helping him cope, Von Strom said, and he is grateful. Through his military-related disability, Von Strom has received new tools for his work as a clay artist. “They’re trying. They have really been helping me.’’
Von Strom came back from Vietnam vowing to focus on being an artist. “I never wanted to harm anything again,’’ he said at his home where his basement serves as a studio for him and his artist wife Laura J. Thelen.
His poem, “Man of Clay,’’ explains his feelings.
Every time... I work with clay
a warm feeling of oneness with the earth... gentle washes over my soul.
Because... I know that this wonderful skill.. that I have... is a gracious gift from God.
And... there is no more wonderful feeling... on this earth
Than to be able... to create... what you dream.
The road since Vietnam has been bumpy for Von Strom and it took its toll on family life and previous marriages, he said. Medication and learning to cope have helped. “I don’t want to do anything negative. I just want to do positive things. I don’t want to destroy no more things.’’
When he was classified as 100 percent disabled, he learned of a VA program called Independent Living, he said. There was a possibility he could be retrained in another field, but Von Strom said his interest was in art. “I like pottery. It mellows me out,’’ he said.
Through the program he received two tons of clay, a new pottery’s wheel to create his pieces, a kiln in which to fire the pieces and a computer to display artworks for purchase. “They gave me the works,’’ Von Strom said, adding that Scott Rozell of Eveleth built the computer for him. He also credited County Veterans Service Officer Wilson Spence for his expertise and assistance.
Von Strom has something else to be proud of — both his and his wife’s pottery have been selected for permanent display in the Tweed Museum of Art at the University of Minnesota-Duluth. “I was so happy,’’ he said. Von Strom and Thelen offer pieces for purchase at the Kess Gallery in Ely, and Fortune Bay sponsored them in an art show.
Von Strom laughed as he recalled how he “got yelled at’’ in high school for drawing. Teachers would tell him to “quit being a daydreamer and start paying attention.’’ But for Von Strom, there was no other option. “All I ever wanted to do was just do my art.’’
A decade after Vietnam he received a bachelor of fine arts degree in drawing and prints from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, then was certified to teach art through UW-Menomonie. His master’s degree specialty at UW-Superior was ceramics. Over the years he has taught art in area schools and the college and worked with an art co-op. But the PTSD made it difficult for him, and working on his own seemed to be his niche.
He operated a studio in an old church next to his home, but when money was tight and he and his wife drove over-the-road trucks to California, vandals destroyed much of the studio. Now he operates in his basement.
And over the years he struggled — first to get the VA to acknowledge his PTSD and then the Agent Orange. “They kept denying the Agent Orange poisoning,’’ he said, even though he was plagued with flareups of chloracne that produced acne-like conditions and redness of his skin. He proved to himself that “there’s nothing you can’t do,’’ and is happy with receiving the equipment and supplies for his art. “If you don’t try it, you’re never going to know.’’
Von Strom had volunteered for the draft in 1967 and was sent to Korea as a guard on a missile base. It was there he believes the seed for PTSD was planted. An angry guard dog attacked him. He was able to keep the dog from his throat, but the dog tore into his arm. Years later, the nightmares of the dog’s teeth come back to haunt him. “Little things can set you off,’’ he said.
In Vietnam he was at a base camp overrun by the enemy. Then came the Agent Orange. Von Strom was riding in the back of a 5-ton Army truck, hauling ammunition, when the helicopter dropped its deadly load. “It was a sticky substance. It lands on your skin. It kind of irritates you. We didn’t get to take a shower for two days,’’ Von Strom said. “I noticed I had boils on the back of my neck and back. They said they were just from dirt. But there were no leaves on the trees and there were dead rats along the road.’’
And there were children with their hands out, an image that moved Von Strom to write a poem he called “Legacy.’’
Thousands of ancient-faced children clad in salvaged rags stand, sit and lie by the side of a hot, dusty roadside,
Staring at us with dreamless eyes as we parade like mighty warriors through their battered village.
And... as we pass, they extend their bony bronzed hands
Wanting more than the meager morsels thrown to them.
War leaves... Innocent children crying without fathers, weeping women without lovers and millions of poor, puzzled people without a country.
“War sucks,’’ Von Strom said. “There’s no way you can get around it.’’ But at least the VA is working to help, he said. “They know we’ve been wronged. They’re trying to make it right. You can’t be mad at them. They’re getting me to a point where I can almost function as a person. It changed my life totally.’’
http://www.virginiamn.com/mdn/index.php?sect_rank=1&story_id=207507

While this is a great example of what can be done when there is help available Milo, along with too many other veterans are still paying the price of a war that should have ended over 30 years ago. It hasn't. At least not for them. Their bodies still pay the price and their minds still fight the battles. This is an update from Milo. As always, it is posted because he wished his story to be told so that he could help others feel they are not alone.

For most of the 35 years that have gone since I was in Vietnam, I guess you could say that I have been trying to cope with life in general. I have been divorced twice, which I am not proud of. In my younger years after Vietnam Nam I lived my life in the fast lane. I was into drugs for a while, because the habit followed me from my overseas tour. And it probably didn't help that I hung around with other Veterans that also had drug related problems at the time.

After a while it was like my whole world was falling apart and all I could you was watch it happen, because I just didn't give a damn about anyone or anything.

It showed in everything and on anyone that came in contact with me. My family and marriage suffered the most, because I didn't seem to have a purpose or a desire to live any more. Every time I made an attempt to better my life someone shut the door in my face and tried to ignore my existence. So I felt sorry for myself and turned back to alcohol and of course drugs.

But one day after a straight year of partying I stopped and turned around to watch my friend, (who has died of an illness he got in Vietnam,) drag a case of beer across my yard to the house. It was at this time that my life started to change. At that moment , I no longer wanted to be me.

The next day I enrolled into college in a Fine Arts program. I decided to try and change my direction once again. Of course, like always, there were problems when I attempted to register, because administration felt that my grades were not good enough from high school to get into U.W. Eau Claire, Wisconsin's system. I didn't play very fair and laid it on some poor person that if he rejected me, at this point in time , that I would take my own life and that it was his call. A few hot words were exchanged and then some how I got enrolled on probation for the 1st semester and the rest of my schooling is history. I graduated in 1979 with a Bachelors Degree in Drawing and Prints,B.F.A. , and went on to get my Comprehensive Degree in Art Education K-12.

But on the night of graduation another traumatic incident happened. Only my wife's parents attended my wonderful moment, my wife decide to leave me and was a no show. I didn't accept any of the many job offers. I moved away to lick my new wounds at my sister's house in Minnesota. I once again was experiencing another set back in my life. I was once again lost without a reason to continue. The only woman that I ever loved divorced me and took my son away from me and left me again with nothing. And... I didn't blame her.

I knew something was wrong with me and finally realized that she just got tired of dealing with my uncalled for anger . I would get angry over the littlest things and wonder why a few seconds later, after I terrified everyone that was unlucky to be there at that moment . So I became a recluse and just got a part-time bartending job at a local bar and dabbled with my pottery on the side.

to be continued

As you can see this is what happened to him before the article was written about him. Milo went through what most of them go through. Their lives fall apart. They try to get back on their feet and "get over it" but deep inside they know something is wrong. Their families and friends decide they are just not worth dealing with. Mostly because they haven't a clue what the veteran is going through. I don't know what keeps people from being invested enough in someone they claim to love to find out why they changed, but they do. It's not rocket science here. It's hard to understand but once you know where all the odd reactions are coming from, it's much easier to understand you are not looking at a normal person suddenly turning into a horror movie like Jekyll and Hyde. There is a reason for the transformation and the mood swings. All you have to do is invest the time to learn where it is coming from instead of letting your eyes glaze over when someone is trying to explain it to you.

Milo also emailed me about his health issues dealing with Agent Orange. Again, posted in his words with his blessing.

Kathie :You asked in your e-mail how I was dealing with the agent orange. Well ...when I have good days and look like most everyone else in this world I'm ding fine. It's those bad days when the agent orange poisoning decides to come to the surface in the facial area. It become a contest to see who will win the best looking pizza and I can win hands down. I think you get the picture. It is time to stay indoors and hope everything decides to heal fast, so you can join the human race again.

I asked my doctor if the face is the only place that the poison surfaces and he said , no it can show up on any part of your body that it decides to at any time . It usually appears if I am in any amount of stress and stays anywhere from a couple of days to a week. And believe me it does affect your self esteem,confidence and your desire to go out in public, so I guess it does put a damper on your social life .

I used to teach art, but that became to stressful, because I taught K-12. All of the preparation and the way that I had to adapt to all the different age groups got to be to much for me. I just didn't enjoy being around that many people. Maybe it was the parents that turned me off. I would get so irritated when I realized that a parent was doing there child's drawing and art work for them. When I felt that was the case I would ask the child in class to draw something similar and when he or she couldn't I would get very frustrated with the parent.

I like teaching college, because most of the students seems to like working in clay and I was getting paid for something that I would have done for free.

I asked my doctor if there was a cure for agent orange poisoning like I have and he replied...no. He gave me medications that helped heal my sores, but all of them only worked for a short time. I could tell that my doctor felt bad that he couldn't help me, but he said that he would make it as comfortable as he could for me. He is now retired and I do miss him. So...I guess I go day by day in dealing with this illness. Some weeks I hold my own and some weeks I lose, suffer and hide myself from everyone . What can I say ?

Life goes on and I am still here and part of it, so I try to make the most of it every day. I only get scared when I start wondering if it is worth the effort or not. So far I have enough caring people around me so as not to be selfish and take the easy way out of a lousy situation . At least I still know that I don't want to make anyone else feel like I do every day of my life. I do thank God for giving me a gift, when it comes to creating art. So far He never gives me more that I can deal with and for that I will always be grateful for His blessing.

There are hundreds of thousands of men and women like Milo. Their stories need to be told that we can all learn from them. Not just about how this country forgets the warriors when they are no longer deployed, but we forget about how many suffer after their guns are put away and the take off their uniforms. Milo is just one example of the kind of people who won over my heart so long ago. I thank him for sharing his story with me and with anyone else going through this. It will take more people of courage to be willing to talk before the stigma of PTSD is ended and more to come forward suffering from Agent Orange before we stop using these kinds of weapons. Too often it is those we send who end up proving they are also human victims of these weapons.