From a female veteran and what they go through

My rules for emails are very simple. They are private. Nothing sent to me is posted on my blogs. There are times when the sender wants it posted. I am more than happy to do this. This is one of those cases. It's about a female veteran being denied a VA claim for PTSD and for an injury. I took out some personal information but these are her words.

September 24, 2006

DEPARTMENT OF VETERANS AFFAIRS
St. Petersburg Regional Office
P.O. Box 1437
Bay Pines, Fl 33731



Dear Department of Veterans Affairs:

I am writing an appeal on my denial of knee injury and PTSD.

As I previously stated, I suffered a knee injury due to jumping out of my cot during basic. I have not been able to use the right leg for support in going from a kneeling position to standing erect for years. I have always favored my right leg and tend to rely on my left leg for changing positions. After years and years of doing this, my left knee is suffering from the effects causing me pain. I had my bilateral knees checked out by a physician which she stated..there is definitely a difference in both knees.

I take either percocet or soma or both for the pain. I feel that I wouldn't have this pain and difficulty in movement if it wasn't from an injury from basic training. I, to this day remember the doctor explaining I either needed physical therapy or surgery to help with the injury. I know that I would not have this problem if it wasn't for basic training. I am also thinking about my future with knee problems. I fear that someday, I will need a total knee replacement.

I am appealing my denial on sexual harassment. As I stated, I was a PFC that went to sick bay in May, 1966, to find out why I was having pelvic pain. The doctor knew that I did not want the exam, yet he had two nurses hold me down for the examination. My statement was denied as you stated no evidence of records found for verification of the occurrence. I was either eighteen or nineteen at the time of the occurrence.

The Army was my first job and I came from a very sheltered background. How could I, a PFC bring a complaint against a Captain? Who would had believed my word against a word of an officer and a doctor? Sexual harassment was not even heard of at that time. The first time I heard the word sexual harassment were many years later during the supreme court justice nominee.

How many women at that time would come forward even when they were raped? Very few as women, we were treated differently. Women had to prove their case along with their whole background being exposed. Yet, for the man it was so much easier...they didn't have to expose their background or their buddies would support them. Women did not have the luxury of having a support system except from family and close friends. For instance, my sister was a victim of physical abuse by her husband. Every time she would call the police, they would laugh at her. No report filed.

I have carried around the hurt and humiliation all my life from this so called occurrence. I may not had reported this while in the service, but I have told several friends and my daughter what I went through. Even to this day, I remembered what I went through and yes it has affected me in many different ways. I hated going to a ob-gyn doctor all my life. This occurrence affected my sexual relationship with my husband. Do you know how it feels after being intimate and feeling so sick to your stomach afterwards. This went on for years and years. I was in essence raped or assaulted by an instrument. This doctor had the choice of listening to me or assaulting me. He decided on the latter.

I would like you all to sit back for a few minutes. Imagine this happening to your children, wife, grandchildren, niece, sister or neighbor. Years later they told you what happened. Would you say show me the records or show me the proof? I doubt it very much, instead you would want to do the moral standards of conduct. Can any of you take away that one minute in my life? Of course not, I have lived with it all my life. The day, I told my counselor about my attack, I broke down crying.

That moment in time has never left me. I then had an appointment with the VA psychiatrist. He believed my story, he saw how I was that day in his office and he wrote to the VA saying I was suffering from PTSD due to the attack. Are you saying that you have doubts about one of your chosen psychiatrist? The doctor saw my reaction and told me he believed every word I said. One further note, I took a friend to the VA hospital in California. That is the first time I saw that women veterans had rights for any offense they suffered while in the service. I carried this with me all my life and will continue to do so.

I also went to talk to the chaplain in August, 1966, when I was attacked by my husband. Yet, I was told Special Forces knew they would probably be killed and this is how they react to their wives. The chaplain further told me to leave the service as this was the only way I could be protected. Once again, the men were protected over the women. If your daughter had a cigarette to her face, would you just say that is how men will treat her?

I am just one voice of what many women went through in the military. Yet, this voice feels she deserves to have disability due to her harassment. One voice is crying out for help, understanding and compassion. One voice can make the difference in right and wrong. One voice can tell the horrors of what many service women have gone through.

Even with suffering from PTSD, I have a startle reflex as well as recurring nightmares. If anyone comes behind me, I scream and jump. I have thrown my keys across the floor from fear. I am always making sure no one is walking directly behind me. If an automobile is even with my car, I will take my foot off the gas and slow down. Will this startle reflex ever go away, I doubt it. I have warn friends never to come up behind my back due to my reaction. Having this reflex isn't fun for me..it is a hardship instead. As for the nightmares, I had to live with them for more years then I want to remember.

I wake up scared to go back to sleep again. How would you feel if you had recurring nightmares for years and years. This is not a part of my life that I would wish on anyone.

I want you all to close your eyes and put yourself in my place. As I said, this was my first job..the Army away from home. I was extremely naive and quiet. My childhood was surrounded by being obedient and never making any waves in life. I was taught to be honest and truthful. I will end this letter with the statement that everything I have told you about my injury and sexual harassment is the God honest truth.

Keep our troops safe,

Nancie L. Smith