9,125 days of a war that came to me

Lately there have been more Vietnam veterans emailing. It's one of the reasons I did the new video Nam Nights Of PTSD Still. I think it's also why I'm feeling nostalgic. On December 6th, 1982 the Vietnam war came to me and changed my life forever. I was 23! Wow was I young back then. Now when I look in the mirror wondering where all these gray hairs came from I realize how much life we've been through together since the night I first looked into my husband's eyes.

9,125 days and nights of living with Vietnam. While not all of those days have been spent consumed by researching and reaching out, most of them were.

I met a woman at the VA clinic in Orlando. We were talking about what I do and she asked me if I was a psychologist. While I said politely "no" in my own head I was thinking "Hell no, I have experience!" While I give all the credit in the world to psychologist and psychiatrists, it is very hard for them to fully understand what this all is unless they live with everyday. It's one thing to hear stories of the lives of people and yet another to live the life. But they decided to do it for living. For the spouses of veterans with PTSD, it came to find them.

Jack had a hard time understanding why I do this in the beginning. Often now he still has a problem with it. I just have to keep reminding him that while we have everything he needs to stay stable and alive, well cared for as a matter of fact, there were years of fighting the government to make sure he got it. I learned too much about what veterans and their families have to go through to ever decide to become one the "I got mine screw you club" and go off on my merry way.

There are thousands of people all across this country just like me and they have been there for 30 years. They do it because this is all personal to them. The veterans are part of their own families. I do it for my husband, for love, knowing that every veteran who comes to me needing help, could have been him if we never met. I also know that had I not met him, I wouldn't have a clue what's going on.

9,125 days ago God put us together. Jack's one of the most gentlest men I even met in my life. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for someone else, but there is very little he would do for himself.

Wives and husbands of veterans take on a world they didn't ask for. Some can't find what they need within them to stay in the world of a veteran who has been wounded in their soul. I find no fault in them. We all do what we can do, what we are equipped to do. I was born with an extremely curious nature. I wanted to learn and understand all of this. Most of us do because we fell in love. Love does not end because someone becomes ill. The love maybe tested and tried but when knowledge provides the coping tools to get trough it all, it grows stronger.

I've been reading about the new generation of veterans coming back along with what is happening in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have to keep up with it all because this generation comes to this older woman. I cannot forget about the wives and husbands living with all of this right by their side or the parents, for a lot of them, veterans as well. I wonder what is the key to get all of them to fully understand what PTSD is? There are still Vietnam veterans not knowing what it is.

I think the best thing that can be done is for every family with the knowledge and experience in hand to reach out to all others they can find. Listen to people talking in the grocery store or at church. Listen to people talking at work. If you hear anything that rings a bell, quietly ask them and let them know you're there. Offer the tools that helped you. Direct them to sites on line, support groups, veterans groups or any of the hundreds of videos on line. We all know the psychologist and psychiatrists have their hands full. They can use all the help they can get and so can the veterans and their families. Remember how lost you felt in all of this and then think of what would have helped you. You can make a huge difference in the lives of someone else. If you don't want to do it for a stranger than do it for the one you love. After all, they had you!

Kathie Costos
Namguardianangel@aol.com
www.Namguardianangel.org
www.Namguardianangel.blogspot.com
www.Woundedtimes.blogspot.com
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive veterans of early wars were treated and appreciated by our nation." - George Washington